When the kiss is stigmatized, the handshake suppressed, the nod barely dared and kicking becomes the norm for greeting… We can legitimately ask ourselves: what will my sex life be like in the weeks to come?
To keep our distance, we could have turned to sexcams, caressing each other from afar via camera and computer, but some of those who tried got into trouble. They had to give up running for mayor of Paris, for example… It makes you suspicious.
Don’t panic, LELO has the solution. If you want to get laid in the same room, remotely, without cameras, keeping your mask on, without touching but still getting off… You need the LYLA™ 2 remote-control vibrating egg.
The egg is slipped into the lady’s intimacy, the remote control into the partner’s hand, and the party begins. The holder of the remote control can send out (super-positive) vibrations with a simple flick of the wrist, putting Madame to ecstatic torture.
With a range of 12 meters, the only virus you’ll catch is the virus of vibrating pleasure!
And because LELO is all about fairness, Monsieur has his own little remote control toy too. HUGO™ is a prostatic massager that’s threaded into anal intimacy with a good dose of lubricating hydroalcoholic gel because it’s got to glide without squealing.
And it’s the same procedure: the partner who holds the remote control takes control of the other’s colon. And lets him or her discover prostatic bliss from a safe distance.
And if you’re super adventurous, you can even try the crossover experiment. Madame carries LYLA™ 2 between her legs and the HUGO™ remote control in her hand, while Monsieur keeps HUGO™ between his buttocks and the LYLA™ 2 remote control in his hand. And you wave at each other from afar, with the arm holding the remote. A bit like the old days when you played tennis in front of your Wii.
It’s going to be hard work at home, while telecommuting…
And the best thing about these remote-controlled massagers is that you can use them in public places without anyone noticing. So while you’re stocking up on pasta and toilet paper at the supermarket, you can keep having fun from afar. And with your paper masks over your face, you’ll be even less likely to be noticed. Your blissful smile will be well concealed.
We’re giving you these health tips for your own good, but if you’re still sharing the same bed, eating at the same table and sprawling out on the same sofa, our long-distance sex solution won’t do much to prevent you from transmitting the virus… So you might as well get laid the traditional way. At that point, we’ll be able to save you from a whole bunch of nasty diseases thanks to our super hex condom, HEX™, but not the coronavirus. We still haven’t managed to perfect the condom with remote control.
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