The pandemic may prevent us from going out, but it’ll never stop us from expressing our sexuality and desires. Today, LELO takes a look at one of France’s favorite ways of keeping the passion alive from a distance… sexting. Our smartphones are so integrated into our lives that we use them without even paying attention, in every facet of our daily activities… including, of course, dating and sex. But what does our penchant for sexting reveal about our personality?
Sexting is the transmission of messages of a sexual nature. There’s nothing new under the sun: as far back as cavemen, it was not uncommon to find explicit sexual scenes between representations of mammoths. Obscene graffiti has also been found engraved for posterity on Roman ruins… and so on throughout history, right up to the present day. It’s technology, of course, that has revolutionized the phenomenon of sexual messages, particularly with the immediate and private sharing of texts, images and videos. LELO reports that around 75% of adults worldwide admit to having sexted at least once. So much so that sexting has become yet another indicator for psychologists of how we view our romantic and sexual lives. But what do our sext messages actually reveal?
Sexting & Affective Bonding
Is there a connection between sexting and the way we bond? According to Attachment Theory, relationships between human beings fall into three main categories: Security, Avoidance and Anxiety/ambivalence.
Secure people, i.e. those with the most solid emotional foundations, generally describe their relationships in terms of happiness, friendship and trust. Commitment is not a problem for them, and the occasional absence of the other person is experienced in a rather serene manner. Avoidant” people are afraid of psychological intimacy, have a hard time with emotional dependence and want to avoid negative emotions at all costs, even if it means breaking off a relationship when it becomes “serious”. Finally, anxious/ambivalent people are hungry for care and attention, often experiencing disproportionate worry about their partner and a heightened need for constant reassurance, their main fear being rejection and abandonment.
What does this have to do with sexting, you may ask? Well, according to several recent studies on sexting, the individuals most inclined to initiate intimate relationships by sending sexually explicit messages, photos or videos via SMS, tend to fall into the avoidant or anxious/ambivalent categories. For example, a 2012 study suggests that the most assiduous sexters use this method either to compensate for a compulsive need for closeness and protection, or to meet their sexual needs while keeping their partner at a comfortable distance.
Sexting & Couple
In a 2015 study of married couples, the researchers first found that, while people in stable relationships are not averse to sexting, they practice it far less than single young adults. Less familiar with the concept, fearing that a third party (children, colleagues, etc.) might discover the messages, or because their sexual relations are less frequent than those of new, more sexually active couples, there are many reasons for the – relative – abandonment of sexting. Next, the study compared the sexting habits of married couples with their relationship attachment styles. It turns out that for women, sending nude or semi-nude photos was rather linked to higher degrees of avoidant attachment, while for men, sending nude or semi-nude photos corresponded to anxious attachment.
Sexting guarantees a satisfying relationship?
Another 2013 study, on the intimate well-being of cohabiting couples, reveals that among participants who report being most comfortable in their relationship, a high percentage admit to having sexted at least once, in one form or another, to their partner. Curiously, these individuals equate the use of sexting with that of sex toysfor them, sexting is a playful way of spicing up their sex life, getting to know each other better and keeping the passion alive from a distance.
All in all, sexting could be an indication of a lack of self-confidence, relationship difficulties or a feeling of insecurity about the relationship. On the other hand, in a thriving relationship, sexting is a sign of complicity, boosting passion and preventing monotony.
A solid couple would therefore be the premise for sexting, not the other way around.
However, we’ll have to wait a few years for more in-depth studies on this recent phenomenon, before we have a clearer idea of the effect of sexting on long-term relationships, and in particular its influence during this period of confinement we’re currently experiencing… In any case, LELO will be there to tell you all about it!
Cette publication est également disponible en :
